This was written for The Red Dress Club, a virtual writer's society.
Concrit is always welcomed and appreciated!
Aaah…jealousy. We all have it. We all feel it.
And now we'd like you to write about it. We'll leave it open: you can write about something or someone you envy, or a time when your jealousy got you in trouble, or maybe how it makes you feel to be envious. Whatever you want.
Word limit: 600 My count: 401
Two women arrive, one right after the other, at the doctor's office. Perching themselves on the uncomfortably upholstered bench seats, each one acknowledges the other with a slight smile, but keeps the rest of her thoughts and observations to herself.
12:15 already? Sophie is going to be
hungry soon. Please hurry, Dr. E!
at 2, so you need to be on time today!
It's OK, baby! Mommy just needs to
talk to the doctor for a minute.
She's home all day! She couldn't have
made her appointment for when
the rest of us are working?
Oh, I love her shoes… I miss gorgeous shoes.
D'orsay pumps. My favorite. Manolos?
Ooh! Red sole– Louboutin!
And her skirt is spectacular. I remember
when I could wear pure white like that.
Cute ponytail, broken-in sneakers,
comfy yoga pants.
I wonder how much she spends on
her hair. The color is amazing!
And such a cute outfit!
Lawyer?
I should ask where she… no, that would be crazy.
Investment banker?
Real estate. Definitely real estate.
I always loved real estate.
I could have been good at it.
make a damn cute baby.
I'll bet she has cocktails with dinner.
In an up glass. Mmm…. dirty martini.
our relationship away?
Here, Sophie… want Mama's milk?
Where's that nursing shawl?
breastfeeding is. That bond.
Her boobs are to die for.
I wonder if they're real.
I'd like the chance to try.
Those earrings have got to be
over a carat apiece.
And I've always loved that
Paloma line at Tiffany's.
I wish I'd kept working. I loved working.
I love you, Sophie-doll, but…
Mommy has to wonder sometimes.
If this is all there is.
I'll bet she has the perfect life.
It took me a minute to catch the format. I figured it out toward the end, then went back and reread it. Maybe two different fonts?
But I love the two women wanting what the other has. Good job.
This was such a great way to look at the prompt. Don't we all seem to want what the other has?
Love the format too
Oh this format was wonderful. I have been both of those moms. Now I'm talking to myself in my head.
Brilliant.
this was amazingly well done. and you know its true.. this stuff that never gets said but there's perceived judgment, or wonder about asking and holding back, or whatever and the interactions dont happen. really really good. thank you for linking up with this!
I loved how you showed two viewpoints and jealousies within the same piece, and how you followed their train of thought.
I don't think the opening paragraph needed "across the waiting room from each other" as it is rather obvious where they are after the initial sentence.
I love the ending, which each one assuming the other's life is perfect.
Well done!
The things we think about when sizing up another! I really liked your take on the prompt. Ugh! I swear I can hear all the mind chatter while I wait. I hate waiting rooms!
The two simultaneous and opposite viewpoints through internal dialogue are excellent and so clearly express how we size each other up, always assuming that from appearances, things are just what they seem. Love this!
I loved this!!! Crying.
Love your take on the prompt.
I love your take on the prompt. Very well done!
So well-done! I love how you shared the inner thoughts not in some random fashion, but as parallel monologues.
What a fantastic way to write about Jealousy, and how everyone has it. Geez, I'm jealous now.
What a great take on the prompt! And so, so true. We all think someone else has it better. Except that I'm the mom who walked around with her pants unzipped the other day–pretty sure no one wanted to be me then.
Excellent, creative approach!
I started to cry..for all of us as women who think that we know someone who has it all together , who has the life we wish we had.
This was another gorgeous post from you..wow your words blow me away!
BRILLIANT!!! I love this! So well done, and so real! Even if you can't read someone else's thoughts, you KNOW they are always thinking that!
LOVED this! You really showed both sides beautifully and managed to make them both empathetic and likable! Really creative and well done!
Definitely a sign of a writer at work….putting a spin to get into the character's head. I love this!
Perfection! Such an original idea, and their thoughts were so true. Loved this!
Oh G-d, I love it. I'm going to have to share it with all the moms I know. Seriously. I love it. It's so great. It is breaking my heart on both sides. Perfectly worded and written. You rock.