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May 5, 2011 Uncategorized

That Green Grass

This was written for The Red Dress Club, a virtual writer's society.
Concrit is always welcomed and appreciated!

Aaah…jealousy. We all have it. We all feel it.
And now we'd like you to write about it. We'll leave it open: you can write about something or someone you envy, or a time when your jealousy got you in trouble, or maybe how it makes you feel to be envious. Whatever you want.
Word limit: 600 My count: 401

Two women arrive, one right after the other, at the doctor's office. Perching themselves on the uncomfortably upholstered bench seats, each one acknowledges the other with a slight smile, but keeps the rest of her thoughts and observations to herself.

12:15 already? Sophie is going to be
hungry soon. Please hurry, Dr. E!

I‘m early, Dr. Elliott. I've got a client meeting
at 2, so you need to be on time today!

It's OK, baby! Mommy just needs to
talk to the doctor for a minute.

I hope her appointment isn't before mine.
She's home all day! She couldn't have
made her appointment for when
the rest of us are working?

Oh, I love her shoes… I miss gorgeous shoes.
D'orsay pumps. My favorite. Manolos?
Ooh! Red sole– Louboutin!

At least her baby isn't being annoying.

And her skirt is spectacular. I remember
when I could wear pure white like that.

She is totally a perfect soccer mom.
Cute ponytail, broken-in sneakers,
comfy yoga pants.

I wonder how much she spends on
her hair. The color is amazing!

The baby's curls are adorable.
And such a cute outfit!

Lawyer?

That's totally how I'd dress my baby… if I had one.
I should ask where she… no, that would be crazy.

Investment banker?

But I'd want a boy.

Real estate. Definitely real estate.

Sebastian.

I always loved real estate.

Sebastian James.

I could have been good at it.

I'd call him Baz and I'd
make a damn cute baby.

I'll bet she has cocktails with dinner.
In an up glass. Mmm…. dirty martini.

Why'd Mark have to throw
our relationship away?

Here, Sophie… want Mama's milk?
Where's that nursing shawl?

Oh, I can just imagine how amazing
breastfeeding is. That bond.

Her boobs are to die for.
I wonder if they're real.

I wonder if I could breastfeed.
I'd like the chance to try.

Those earrings have got to be
over a carat apiece.
And I've always loved that
Paloma line at Tiffany's.

All I ever wanted was to be a mom.

I wish I'd kept working. I loved working.

Doing crafts, baking, room mom, PTA…

I love you, Sophie-doll, but…

I would have been good at that.

Mommy has to wonder sometimes.

I have to wonder sometimes.

If this is all there is.

If this is all there is.
I'll bet she has the perfect life.
I'll bet she has the perfect life.


18 Comments

« Thursday #160
Sweet Dreams »

Comments

  1. Renee says

    May 5, 2011 at 5:50 pm

    It took me a minute to catch the format. I figured it out toward the end, then went back and reread it. Maybe two different fonts?

    But I love the two women wanting what the other has. Good job.

    Reply
  2. Carrie says

    May 5, 2011 at 7:42 pm

    This was such a great way to look at the prompt. Don't we all seem to want what the other has?

    Love the format too

    Reply
  3. tracy says

    May 5, 2011 at 8:33 pm

    Oh this format was wonderful. I have been both of those moms. Now I'm talking to myself in my head.

    Brilliant.

    Reply
  4. Jenna says

    May 5, 2011 at 8:33 pm

    this was amazingly well done. and you know its true.. this stuff that never gets said but there's perceived judgment, or wonder about asking and holding back, or whatever and the interactions dont happen. really really good. thank you for linking up with this!

    Reply
  5. writingwithchaos says

    May 5, 2011 at 10:25 pm

    I loved how you showed two viewpoints and jealousies within the same piece, and how you followed their train of thought.

    I don't think the opening paragraph needed "across the waiting room from each other" as it is rather obvious where they are after the initial sentence.

    I love the ending, which each one assuming the other's life is perfect.

    Well done!

    Reply
  6. Starthrower says

    May 6, 2011 at 6:05 am

    The things we think about when sizing up another! I really liked your take on the prompt. Ugh! I swear I can hear all the mind chatter while I wait. I hate waiting rooms!

    Reply
  7. Random Girl says

    May 6, 2011 at 6:22 am

    The two simultaneous and opposite viewpoints through internal dialogue are excellent and so clearly express how we size each other up, always assuming that from appearances, things are just what they seem. Love this!

    Reply
  8. amygrew says

    May 6, 2011 at 7:03 am

    I loved this!!! Crying.

    Love your take on the prompt.

    Reply
  9. Alison@Mama Wants This says

    May 6, 2011 at 7:52 am

    I love your take on the prompt. Very well done!

    Reply
  10. Frume Sarah says

    May 6, 2011 at 9:18 am

    So well-done! I love how you shared the inner thoughts not in some random fashion, but as parallel monologues.

    Reply
  11. Not Winning Mom of the Year says

    May 6, 2011 at 9:40 am

    What a fantastic way to write about Jealousy, and how everyone has it. Geez, I'm jealous now.

    Reply
  12. mamatrack.com says

    May 6, 2011 at 12:37 pm

    What a great take on the prompt! And so, so true. We all think someone else has it better. Except that I'm the mom who walked around with her pants unzipped the other day–pretty sure no one wanted to be me then.

    Excellent, creative approach!

    Reply
  13. Kir says

    May 6, 2011 at 4:33 pm

    I started to cry..for all of us as women who think that we know someone who has it all together , who has the life we wish we had.
    This was another gorgeous post from you..wow your words blow me away!

    Reply
  14. Erin says

    May 6, 2011 at 9:49 pm

    BRILLIANT!!! I love this! So well done, and so real! Even if you can't read someone else's thoughts, you KNOW they are always thinking that!

    Reply
  15. Galit Breen says

    May 7, 2011 at 5:46 am

    LOVED this! You really showed both sides beautifully and managed to make them both empathetic and likable! Really creative and well done!

    Reply
  16. Writerly Wanna Be says

    May 7, 2011 at 6:31 am

    Definitely a sign of a writer at work….putting a spin to get into the character's head. I love this!

    Reply
  17. Cheryl says

    May 7, 2011 at 12:29 pm

    Perfection! Such an original idea, and their thoughts were so true. Loved this!

    Reply
  18. Andrea (ace1028) says

    May 7, 2011 at 12:44 pm

    Oh G-d, I love it. I'm going to have to share it with all the moms I know. Seriously. I love it. It's so great. It is breaking my heart on both sides. Perfectly worded and written. You rock.

    Reply

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