This was written for The Red Dress Club, a virtual writer's society.
Concrit is always welcomed and appreciated! This is a work of fiction.
In the middle of the night, you get an urgent call from a friend you haven’t talked to in years. Something terrible has happened. What is it and why is he/she calling you?
Word limit: 700 My count: 700 exactly!
George tops off my champagne and pulls his chair in close.
I smile coyly. “Why, Mr. Clooney, I believe you're going to kiss me!”
He leans in, bringing his lips to mine… “SWEET CAROLINE! BAH! BAH! BAH!” rings in my ears and George is gone.
The soft glow of my bedside clock informs me that it's 3:17 am, and I can't find the source of the noise, my phone.
I finally locate it and answer, rubbing sleep out of my eyes as I do. “Hullow?”
No one speaks, and as I'm about to hang up, I hear someone laughing. They aren't speaking into the phone, but in the same room, definitely. There's some rustling noises and I hear a familiar voice speaking.
“No, you guys! This iss SUCH a great idea! Serioushly!” Even though we haven't really spoken since we graduated, I'd be able to pick the drunken babble of my best friend, Sabrina, anywhere.
“Hey, Bean! What's up?” Now that I've confirmed the person on the other end, I'm perking up more by the moment, and I'm now almost completely coherent, as I greet this phone call from my past.
There's still no direct response to my opening line, just more rustling sounds and laughter. And then it dawns on me.
I've been butt dialed.
Fully awake now, and invested in what's happening at the other end of the line, I sit up in bed and turn on my bedside lamp.
“No you guyss! Come on! It'll be FUN! Iss VAY-GASS baby!” What is she doing in Vegas? It sounds like there are several people in the room. Probably a hotel room.
More rustling. “Hang on, hang on guyss!” More rustling, and then stillness. “Jashon. I mean, Jason Sullivan. Will you marry me?”
I want to scream. My best friend, Sabrina Louise MacLean, has just proposed to the biggest ass on the planet, her on again/off-again ex-or-maybe-current-boyfriend, Jason. I can't sit by silently, a thousand miles away, while this happens.
“BEAN!” I yell into the phone as loud as I can without waking the baby. “BEAN! Pick up the PHONE! SABRINA!”
The sounds from the hotel room in Vegas tell me that Jason has accepted, and there is applause and people are calling for a toast.
“SABRINA! PICK! UP! THE! PHONE! NOW! SABRINA!”
“Hang on you guys! Didja hear that?” My voice has made it across the miles and out of the purse.
Crossing my fingers, I try one more time. “Sabrina! Your phone – I'm on the phone!”
The familiar rustling finally ends, and my old friend is on the line. “Hello? Who is this?”
“Hey Chickie-la!” I revert to my old nickname for her. “What's going on?”
“Desi? Omigod! It's so great to hear from you… wait. Did you call me?”
“No, Sabrina… you butt dialed me. How's it going?”
“Awesome! I'm getting married!” She sounds excited enough, but I can't help but want better for her.
“Wow, that's great! When's the wedding?”
“Umm… what time is it now? The wedding's at five I think? It's kind of a spur of the moment thing.”
I sense my opening. “Where are you? Can you hold off until tomorrow? I'll fly wherever you are… I can't miss my best friend's wedding… You should wait until tomorrow morning at least… so, umm…” Racking my brain to come up with a legitimate reason for her to postpone. “So you get your whole wedding day! Get married now, and you'll go home to bed, and your day is over! Do it in the morning instead! It'll be great!”
“Ooh good call, D. Hey Jas… let's do this tomorrow instead, kay? I'm so sleepy, and want to be pretty for my wedding!”
“Yeah, baby! And I want you fresh for our wedding night.” The slap he delivers to her backside reverberates through the phone, making me wince. Jerk.
Sabrina turns back to me on the phone. “Yeah, maybe we'll wait til tomorrow. Love you, Desi-poo! We should talk more soon!”
“Love you too, Bean. Sleep tight.” We disconnect and I lay back down in the dark, surprisingly exhausted. I drift off to sleep eventually, to my waiting George. He's even kept my champagne cold.
i love your take on this prompt 🙂 and it was funny, what a comical situation to be in, and your character was awful patient having just left george clooney's arms 🙂 now I have sweet caroline going through my head…
Sara @ Periwinkle Papillon says
So did she marry him?!?! I hope not!
I LOVED the drunk dialogue – so accurate and very funny.
I guess what happens in Vegas doesn't stay in Vegas when you butt dial.
Very creative. loved it.
Frume Sarah says
He leans in, bringing his lips to mine… "SWEET CAROLINE! BAH! BAH! BAH!" rings in my ears and George is gone.
A perfect description. Really. I laughed out loud at the scene you depicted. That's how well you wrote this one sentence.
I was completely enveloped by your words, sharing Desi's growing tension as the story progressed.
Which might have been why I was disappointed by Desi's choice to go back to sleep. Without knowing any back story on this friendship, it seems incongruous for a best friend to do anything other than head straight to Vegas.
Everything else was really compelling and believable.
Great writing, loved the story, but the ending has me slightly… for lack of a better term, disconnected. Where'd the seriousness go? It all seemed so important and yet she is immediately going back to bed? I would love to hear from you on this.
Great story…would love to hear how it all turns out!
Too funny – I had entertained the idea of "butt dialing" somehow – great read!!
Sober Julie says
Well well SUCCESS!! So that's how funny is done?
Great work, loved this line "The slap he delivers to her backside reverberates through the phone, making me wince. Jerk."
I love your sense of humor. I never would thought about a "butt call." You did a great job with conversation and how you created the characters. I could see Sabrina.
I also really liked how your dialogue between the two friends. It read very realistically.
Also, I glad she convinced Sabrina to WAIT. Well done story and perfect for the prompt.
As my site is under construction — I keep losing posts, I have moved my RDC story to a friends site. If you want to read it, go here http://www.shadesofcrimson.com/2011/04/14/guest-post-the-call/ I would love your feedback:~)
I LOVE where you have taken this prompt. It is creative and interesting. Funny as well. Very well written & I'm glad I stopped by to give your post a read.
The mad woman behind the blog says
Damn, damn, damn. Why didn't I think of this? And I'm ALL about the butt!
I love this and yeah, Sweet Caroline is gonna be stuck in my head while I pray George visits in my dreams.
Writerly Wanna Be says
This is my first time participating and I am reading through the different posts…and I come to yours. Your fresh voice was so entertaining. You are a creative spirit and great with dialogue. I liked how you ended it, her job was done and she was ready to return to George. Too cute!
K Pugliano says
I LOVE that the call was a butt dial!! haha! Very clever!
And that you worked George into this prompt…*swoon*
Haha! Butt dialing! I hope by morning her sobers up and comes to her senses! I love how the piece comes full circle dropping her back into the arm's of George Swoony!
Stopping by from TRDC!
This is one of my favorites so far!
I should keep track of which actors the MC is dreaming about in each post… George Clooney here, Mat Damon in another…
But from there, your post is so original! And funny! I absolutely loved it.
Awesome!! I like this one the best. No, now that I think about it I like the one with the old lady in the grocery store quite a lot too, but they're both great in different ways.
This was really cute. I love the humor. And overhearing the call was well done
But I found the connection between the main characters false.
Des says Sabrina is her best friend but she doesn't talk to her in over a year? Not much of a best friend. And I also didn't like the ending. If she was really concerned, shouldn't she have jumped out of bed to get to Vegas? Does she really care about her friend marrying this guy?