December 12 – Body Integration This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?
I've never understood people who say that they were in so much pain they wished they were dead. It's just not a sentiment I understand, and in 2010 I spent some time in more pain that I thought possible.
In early July, I was diagnosed with peritonitis, an infection and inflammation of the lining of the abdominal cavity, and one of the more common complications of peritoneal dialysis.
Within a matter of hours, I went from feeling a little “off” to my entire physical self feeling like it was on fire; I was aware of every cell of my being, and every movement, things as small as breathing, set the pain off again, coursing through my body.
There wasn't a mind and body, because my whole mind was consumed by the pain; I was convinced it would never end, and it seemed like an eternity (It was actually about 3 days)
I know now that I am able to handle more than I would have thought; surgical pain I can handle; the medications always help, but this time, even the massive doses of painkillers couldn't touch this pain.
My feeling of the pain fades with time, but the memory of it reminds me always.