What not to wear when you’re almost 40

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I'm turning 39 next week, aka officially “almost 40”

I'm the textbook definition of old, according to 9 year old me… I remember when my parents turned 40, and how very ancient I thought they were at the time.

As I approach this impending birthday, I decided to start thinking of myself as 40 already, you know, to get used to it and everything. So I started doing some very important internet research to figure out how to be a grown-up. (I figure 39 is as good a time as any.)

A good place to start? My closet. If I have the costume down, then everything else will surely fall into place, right? Of course this is how it works.

There are so many handy articles and posts about how you're supposed to dress, I decided to analyze as many of them as I could and then distill their feedback down into a single post for you. 🙂

Footwear

I definitely need to get rid of my beloved Converse. These aren't grown-up shoes at all. Forget that they're classic casual wear, and are available in fun prints like these Andy Warhol soup cans. They're for teenagers and 1970s basketball players. I'm neither of those things, so out they must go.

Also taking up space they don't deserve on my closet floor are these novelty flats from ModCloth. Grown up ladies don't wear shoes that make them smile. Shoes are meant to protect your feet and that's it.

Accessories

This is a wide category, and it can be so very easy to get carried away and find yourself with things that are totally inappropriate for an adult of your generation to wear out in public. No matter how cold it is, this Star Wars scarf is not something that I should ever be seen in. Her Universe may make loads of cute geek-related things, but I'm clearly too old for it.

It is not acceptable for a grown ass woman to express her fandoms or things she enjoys through her clothing. Again, this is for teenagers, not me. So I'll be getting rid of my collection of novelty earrings as well. Even though they're tiny and only people who look closely even notice them, I should only be seen in tasteful studs in gold or silver. Perhaps a colored gemstone if I'm truly feeling adventurous.

Outfits

This is where the list and specifics get long. I'll be clearing out all of the prints from my closet that aren't tasteful florals or traditional plaids. I may be able to keep a polka dot or two if it's subtle and not too colorful. I can wear lots of black with the occasional “pop of color,” but it general I should live in neutrals only.

For work, all of these prints will have to go right out the door. Sorry, LuLaRoe, ModCloth, and eShakti. I'm too old for fun prints for the office now. It's all sensible knits and machine washable fabrics from here on out.

My errand running outfits also need revision. I shouldn't be wearing anything that can be described as “distressed” because it implies that I fancy myself a 20-something who “doesn't know any better” So clearly, this outfit is going straight into the donation bag.

I'll also have to change my formal event choices. My Iris Awards dress, while fun at the time, was apparently completely inappropriate for me, and if I'd wanted to have had fun with my fashion for this event, I should have stuck with adding some sequins or maybe even an off the shoulder look. Those are much better choices for actual grown-up ladies. All those people who complimented me that evening were wrong, apparently.

fashion takeaways

(aka: I have all the answers now!)

Speaking as a woman who is a mere 7 days away from being a mere one year away from being 40, this makes me an expert. I've read many articles on this here internet, so I basically have a Ph.D. now. And it all comes down to this:

Wear what you want. If you want a capsule wardrobe, do it. If you want to live in black yoga pants and Look Human pop culture tees, more power to you. Does catching your own reflection in the mirror make you smile? You're wearing the right stuff. Are you happy and comfortable in your clothes?  Rock on. Do they pinch in uncomfortable ways? Buy a bigger size and be happy that you aren't uncomfortable. Do you share your fandoms, opinions, political beliefs, favorite foods via t-shirts and legging prints? You're the best.

Don't let someone tell you what to wear and what not to wear. Seriously. Every single thing I've shared in this post is something that I own, love, wear, and will continue to wear past my 39th birthday and beyond.