Fears and hopes. And more fears.

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There are a million BlogHer posts out there, right? They talk about what to wear, what to buy, what to carry, what to pack, what to ship home, what to expect, what not to expect, what to do to prepare your blog, what to put on your business card, what parties are happening.

This is my first convention, my first time away from both Jamie and Max, and my first time meeting some amazing women I've come to know and, yes, love, thanks to The Twitter and their blogs. (Not the first time, however, that I've jetted/driven off to hang out with some strangers from the interwebs. Drove to CANADA to go to an online friend's wedding in 2006! Didn't get murdered, so that's good news!)

That said, here are my lists; my hopes and fears for this experience, for which I leave in just 22 days. “They” always say you should frame a negative with a positive on each end (Your eyes are so pretty! That pot of coffee you made tastes like asphalt, but I love your shoes!) so I'll do just that. Some stuff I'm excited about, the things that scare the crap out of me, and some more excited stuff.

So excited about the content! My blog may have turned 6 years old on Monday, but I've only been putting real effort into the process of blogging since January, as part of a New-Year's-don't-call-it-a-Resolution. I pondered what it means to be a Blogger as opposed to a person with a blog… the title “Blogger” as I see it, eluded me, and I feel like this trip is one more step in my transition.

So excited about the parties! Late nights drinking cocktails poolside in gorgeous San Diego? Yes please! Swag? Of course! I've even managed to snag a couple of invites to some “private” gatherings, and as someone who has never really been a velvet rope kinda girl, an email saying “You're In! Come join us at…” is pretty freaking cool.

So excited about the people! I get to meet all of these amazing people I've been “hanging out with” for most of this last year. To hug for real, to audibly LOL and *clink* our actual glasses together. I can't wait!

So freaked out about the people! Again, it's been said a thousand times. I'm a socially-awkward dork. I tend to hover over food tables or find a chair and plant my butt at parties where I don't know people. I'm a hugger, but don't want to accidentally force one on a non-hugger. My default face, my relaxed face (Exhibit A), is kind of frowny and potentially offputting. But I worry that if I try to keep a smile pasted on (Exhibit B), I'm going to look like the 2nd runner up at the Miss Pork Cracklins contest.
(Exhibit C: A smear on our guest bathroom mirror of questionable origin. Please ignore it, K? Thanks)

There are women I will meet who have changed my life. See that? Changed. My. Life. Sitting alone in my living room, with my wine/Diet Coke/iced tea, crying as I have a moment of clarity over something I just read? Totally different from standing in front of said moment-of-clarity causer and thanking her. Know this: If I hug you and it seems a little long, it's probably because I'm tearing up and I don't want you to know, so I need a sec to gather myself. Sorry.

So freaked out about crying! I'm a dork who cries at the drop of a hat. Or a shoe. Or a song. Or someone winning a really cool prize or meaningful award. Merely witnessing someone's dream coming true makes me a blubbering mess. I've already watched a couple of videos from past BlogHers that have gotten me almost there, and I KNOW of at least one thing on the agenda that gets me a little choked up at the thought of it.

So freaked out about my business cards! As a graphic designer, I am my own WORST POSSIBLE CLIENT. I'm hyper ultra-super-uber (Yes, I said uber) critical of my own work, and multiply that by ten when it's *for* me myself. I think I designed and redesigned our wedding invitations a thousand times. I'm just going to bite the bullet and order them, but I know I'll be wishing I could change them by the time I've handed out a dozen or so. I really want them to look good, but I also worry that I'm obsessing.

So freaked out about my blog! I know, right? I've been meaning to port over to WordPress.org for several months now, and just never got around to it. I'm half convinced that if when I get a chance to talk directly to a company, they'll scan my QR code or go to my blog, see my little “blogspot” address at the top and write me off as not enough.

So excited to be challenging myself. I'm stepping onto that plane and out of my comfort zone. New city, travelling alone, new people… it's terrifying and thrilling and I can't wait to go!

So please, if you see a slightly frowny looking (Exhibit A) tall girl with a red streak in her hair, come over and say hi! And feel free to tell me how awesomesauce my business cards are. 🙂

And if you want to be really great, I'd love to have over 100 folks subscribed here before the convention! I only need like 17 more! Thanks so much! It's over there —–>