This was written for The Red Dress Club, a virtual writer's society.
Concrit is always welcomed and appreciated!
One of my favorite parts of summer is THE SHOES. So for your prompt this week I'd like you to write about your character (or yourself) and a pair of his or her shoes.
Word limit: 650 My count: 609
“I'm sorry, your companion has yet to arrive.” Mel was not eager to sit and wait until Sara arrived for their weekly lunch date.
“OK, thanks. I'll come back in a bit then,” smiling as she turned for the door.
Reaching for the handle, she noticed an elderly couple approaching through the tinted glass. Juggling her purse and briefcase, Mel went to hold the door open for them, sucking in her breath in an attempt to leave just a little more room between her body and the door frame. The gentleman held the door from his side and smiled. “Thank you, dear,” and Mel filled in the but in her mind.
Moving to one side, she watched as the couple stepped around her and entered the restaurant.
In the fresh outside air, Mel looked around for something to kill time. Scanning the local storefronts, she saw her goal on the other side of the fountain, and strode confidently towards it.
Pushing open the door to the air conditioned air that smelled oh so faintly of leather, she sighed in pleasure as she surveyed the displays that now surrounded her. Boots and peep toes, black patent and amazing multi-colored prints. Heels of all heights, buckles and slip-ons, straps and bows. She was in her element, the Jimmy Choo boutique.
Stepping around to the display of the current season's designs, she looked for a moment and then found a seat. Arranging herself carefully on the already small bench seat, placing her bags on the floor, she made eye contact with a salesman who promptly ignored her. Sighing in frustration, she waved her arm at him. “Excuse me? Excuse me, hi. Can you help me please?” Long used to this kind of reaction, she doesn't let it deter her, continuing to talk across the store to the salesman. “I'd like to see these in my size please! Hello?”
Annoyed, the salesman reluctantly moved in her direction; turning on the charm, she gives him a smile. “Hi, how are you today?” Confused by her genuine happiness, he forgot his previous distaste for her and smiled back. “I just need to see these in a 9 please. Oh, and these!” Pointing to two pairs of shoes on the nearby pedestal. “Thank you!”
Returning with the shoes, and she tried them on, carefully examining each pair in the mirrors mounted on the floor. They fit perfectly, like they always do. The first pair, a silver tapestry peep toe with a rhinestone detail on the heel, practically made her swoon, they were just so beautiful. She slipped them off and put the second pair on. There's almost nothing to them, yet they're perfect in their simplicity. Thin black and red straps crossing at the base of her toes and running up the side of her foot, until they met an equally slender strap that wrapped around and secured her heel. The metallic black heel caught the light and winked at her in the reflection.
“Love them both. I'll take them!” She handed the salesman her platinum card and continued to admire her new acquisitions. Moments later, a new shopping bag carrying the two shoe boxes, she has left the store and is headed back across the plaza to the bistro.
Spotting Sara on the patio, Mel waved her tote by way of greeting, making Sara laugh.
“More shoes, woman? You're crazy! Doesn't that bring you up to like a hundred pair?”
“Ummm…. one hundred and four, I think. What? I love them, I can afford them…”
Sara, relying on more than 20 years of friendship, knows there's a third item on that list. “and what?”
“Shoes don't have fat days.”
Mel is so easily relatable and loved her friendship with Sara, to the degree that she knew there was more to Mel's story. Favorite words were the heel winking at her! :>
Looks like I wasn't the only one linking up late to this one, glad I'm in good company! :>
You described those 2 pair so well, I may need the Silver tapestry ones.
I like her reason to love shoes. And Sara's perfect understanding.
Oh how I loved this, the details so vivid, I wanted every single pair and that pay line…I say something like it…stolen from "In Her Shoes", no matter what size you are, shoes always fit. Swoon!!!!!!
I was a little distracted by your apparently random shift from past tense to present. Your POV also shifted for a moment from close third person with Mel to viewing the story through the salesman's eyes, then back to Mel. It would be better to stay with Mel and mention how the salesman *seemed* to feel toward her. Did she see him mutter something under his breath? Roll his eyes? Once his attitude has changed, you could describe some sort of sign for that ("Bowing obsequiously and tugging his forelock, he backed away from her,then scurried away to the stockroom…").
With all that said, I'll chauvinistically note that it's almost impossible to write an unappreciated story about shoes for a feminine audience. 🙂