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List the activities you'd do if you weren't so afraid.
- Skydive/parasail. These are both things that are included on my Bucket List, but if/when the time comes, I don't know that I'll actually be able to take the step. I had the opportunity to parasail at Lake Tahoe a few years ago, and looking back now, I totally should have and don't know why I didn't. I also think that facing your fears can be the best possible thing for you, so hopefully I'll make myself do them. Someday.
- Eat sushi. OK, so afraid isn't the right word, but this list seems like as good a place as any to address this. I love the idea of sushi. I love looking at sushi. It's gorgeous, and I love beautiful food. All those fresh ingredients, arranged so precisely, I love it. I love the names. Hamachi, Rock and Roll, Unagi. They're lovely words that are fun to say. Jamie also loves sushi, so I find myself in sushi restaurants from time to time, ordering tempura or teriyaki. I try a bite every time, and it's no good for me every time. But I keep trying! I'm still hoping that one day, it will be delicious. Actually, now that I'm writing this, I'm not afraid of it at all! But this is my meme, so I'm leaving it there!
- Quit my job/start a business. Growing up, mu family's financial life was a roller coaster. My dad was in real estate in the 1980s, so we had high high and low lows. My mom's analogy for the high is that she only wore Gloria Vanderbilt jeans and had them dry cleaned. The lows, I walked out to get the paper one Sunday morning and discovered the family van had been repossessed. Because of that roller coaster I grew up on, consistency of income has always been a priority for me, and it makes me terrified to take risks with my job or livelihood, and that isn't always a good thing.
- Have another baby. When Max was born, the doctors told us, straight out, that his being born at 28 weeks and my even being alive was a “best case scenario” and that another baby would most likely kill me. I'm lucky that I “only” lost my transplant with Max. It could have been worse. There are stories all the time of miraculous pregnancies with amazing happy endings, but I'm too scared (and pessimistic, maybe) to take that chance.
- Join almost anything. I'm terrible in a crowd of people I don't know. Awful. If I don't know every single person at a party, I feel awkward and self-conscious and completely out of place. I'm aware it's my issue, and I keep trying, going to parties where I only know some people, but it's hard for me to join in organizations (mom groups, networking organizations, whatever) because it causes me SO much stress, the thought of meeting all those new people.
- Put it all out there. I wish I could live one of those 100% honest, authentic lives, where I can just share everything and anything (and I'm not just talking about TMI stuff here) but I'm not. I admire people who can that, but it's just not something I can ever see myself doing, once again, even when it's to my detriment.
- Whatever's next. I don't know. There's always the fear of the unknown. I'm sure there will be things in the next 50 (God willing!) or so years of my life that scare me. Things that I'll face anyway, things I'll never do or try. Only time will tell!