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April 2, 2013 Being Mom

My kid is perfect.

angelicPlease allow me to share with you just some of the attributes of his perfection.

  • He knows the exact noise level I can deal with at any given moment and manages to maintain at *exactly* 1 dB below my threshold, so it's a sustained annoyance instead of something I can just tell him to stop.
  • He can open his own car door whenever he wants, even when buckled into his seat.
  • He is always thinking so many important things all the time, that there's no room for your petty thoughts, such as “Brush your teeth” or “Please put your dishes in the sink”
  • He knows that when you say, “I'm on the phone, I need a few minutes alone please,” what you really mean is “COME CLIMB ON MY LAP RIGHT NOW!”
  • He loves to read over my shoulder when I'm on the computer. (Yeah. That's why I've been missing #wineparty lately)
  • He is capable of sitting quietly, smiling, until my finger presses the shutter on the camera.
  • He thinks bodily noises are the funniest thing every and can't wait to share the joy. With the entire _____ (Insert grocery store, elevator, classroom, Target bathroom, etc)
  • He “allows” me to use “his” iPhone for making phone calls and getting my work done.
  • He's excellent at that tickling that's really just poking you in your squishy parts.
  • He knows the exact number of times he can ask a question before I cross over from patient Mommy of inquisitive preschooler to exploding monster.
  • He doesn't ever forget a damn thing. Like that time I said “damn.”
  • He believes his turds are works of art and need to be regarded and admired accordingly.
  • He knows I have magic powers and can create a quesadilla *poof* immediately, I'm just not willing to use them.
  • He can easily clear a room with a fart if he so chooses.
  • He tells an (apparently) engrossing, yet meandering story with no true beginning, middle or end.
  • When he makes a noise he isn't supposed to (this weird screech/grunt thing) he immediately follows it up with an apology, so it comes out like “Greeeech-sorry”

Can you imagine being THAT GOOD at everything you attempted? Wow.
What is your kid perfect at? (See also: Spouses)


2 Comments

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Comments

  1. Sue - The Spin Cycle says

    April 4, 2013 at 3:51 pm

    So…I swung by from Twitter to see just HOW tall you are. Umm…do you document that anywhere on this site? I caught the “taller than I appear on the net part,” but I feel that I need a number to go with it. 6 feet? 7? Do tell. {I’m 5’8″}

    Also – Yup. That kiddo of yours is PERFECT. So jelly.

    Reply
    • Lizz says

      April 4, 2013 at 3:53 pm

      6′ 🙂
      Thanks for stopping by!

      Reply

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Welcome, I'm so glad you're here! Thing number one, I'm tall. I've been told I should have a warning on my blog, so here it is! I am taller in real life than I appear on the internet. Want to know more than this "short" version? Go here to read more about me and my family, and for links to some of my favorite posts.
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